Timestretched

I visited Benares first in February 2009 (stayed for four days), then in September 2009 (stayed for a month), then in November 2009 (stayed for two months)... then in November 2010 (stayed for three months). These times were the best times in my life. Now looking back I feel like the best days of my life are over. I was riding the best part of the trajectory of my life. I was high and happy.

I lived a frugal life. When I lived in Assi Ghat, my room had no running water. There was a barrel outside in the balcony and I used to fill my bucket with water every morning. I lived on dal and chapathi at night, hummus in the morning. Aum cafe, in Assi ghat, was where I'd spend my mornings. I met the most wonderful people there. I had deep conversations about mysticism, life and other Indian realities. I was living a new dream every second. I cycled everywhere in my 21-gear bicycle (the one that Gabriel, the Belgian, gifted me). Through those narrow gulleys I cycled. I looked at everything with new perspectives. The sights, sounds and smells of Benares engulfed me into its aura.

I visited the burning ghats everyday. I saw death in macrovision. Right next to the burning pyres there would be children flying kites, women washing their clothes, men brushing their teeth... life and death existed so close to each other. Everyone knew deep down that one day it would be them on the pyre. One day their bodies would make their way through the gulleys of Benares and into the Manikarnika Ghat or the Harishchandra Ghat burning ghats. "Ram naam satya hai" would be chanted all along the journey from the mainroad to the ghats. The incense would burn incessantly. The lights in their souls would finally find an exit into moksha. Nirvana in Benares.

Considered to be Shiva's headquarters, Benares attracted me because of its age. The oldest living city in the world, it was believed to be over 4000 years old. The walls, the roads, the people, the legends, the stories, the spirits, everything interested me. I heard stories of the Jalbodwa, a river-monster that lived in the Ganga and sometimes came out onto the ghats at 2am or 3am and sat and cried. Many people had sworn that they had seen it. A hairy thing with feet turned backwards. A monster that was scared of human beings. They believed the bad souls would be cursed and turned into Jalbodwa's. The city consumed me every minute. Everyday was fresh with new stories and new faces. Everyday I came closer to Shiva. I sat in Kedar Ghat everyday with a cup of chai before my dhrupad class looking at the river's loving eyes. I was close to Ganga, the mother...

But one day all this would be over. I never knew. I never imagined I would be driven to insanity and thrown out of Benares. I miss Benares, the capital city. The city where I found myself and my inner peace. The city where I found happiness and holiness. My time was up. But, I never knew...